One of the problems of this NFL season has been the amount of truly terrible teams. I for one am not complaining. Why? While games like the Giants and Raiders are great from a Giant fan perspective, games like Eagles/Raiders are just as rewarding.
But I want to focus on the blow out games. They’re really great for entertainment purposes if you’re a fan of the team that’s blowing out the other team but there’s another reason: it’s the perfect co-ed get together/social situation. Say you have a girl who you are getting a good feeling about, you know, a girl you can see yourself with past the six month honeymoon period. You want to take her somewhere more your element because let’s face it, the first few dates are dinner, dinner and movies or some other adventure that you would feel comfortable taking her on where she won’t be staring off into space in ten minutes.
So you invite her over to watch the game with you and your friends and their significant others because let’s face it, the first question out of her mouth or the first thought in her head will be, please tell me there will be other females. The blow out game is perfect because you know exactly how this game will turn out so you can focus on more important things like making eye contact with her, and here’s the important part guys, while the game is going on. Trust me, women eat this kind of stuff up. They will think: wow, this guy loves this team but spent most of the time talking to me and actually looking at me while talking. The best part of it is: you can glance over to the game every once in a while and do the smile. You know the smile. The same smile you see on parents when you talk to them and their attention gravitates to their kid playing with the carpet on the floor. They aren’t doing anything extraordinary, but its your kid and they make you smile. It’s the same way.
Here’s the trick to picking a blow out game. Its tricky and doesn’t work everytime. Why? Easy. There are so many sucky coaches in the NFL that games like this don’t happen often and are even tougher to spot. So sometimes it works like in the case of the Raiders and Giants game and sometimes it won’t work as was the case in the Eagles and Raiders game. Its simple: if the coaches have shaky track records when it comes to having a team prepared, its not a good sign and it’s buyer beware. Because if the sure fire blow out game turns into a close game heading into the fourth quarter, the date becomes null and void and your primal instinct is to turn into fan mode. Which of course negates any good will you might have built up and then as the frustration level rises with each tick of the clock it only gets worse.
Ok, enough of the dating advice: let’s get to the games.
Chargers (-6) vs. CHIEFS- I wanted to pick the Chiefs. I really did. There’s a bit of a controversy brewing in San Diego. Norv Turner is losing his grip on the team (boy, that’s a stretch.). His inability to score in multiple goal line situations while having LDT in his line up is beyond me and is starting to get to the Chargers locker room. Here’s an important characteristic of a sucky head coach: they get cute in situations when they shouldn’t. Like throwing when all you need is a yard. Sometimes, you gotta strap up and find out if your offensive line can get you that one yard.
Colts (-14.5) over RAMS- This one needs no explanation. Peyton should have a field day.
Packers (-9) over BROWNS- A lot of healthy bodies in Green Bay coming back. I think Mangenious should start fining players for sucking while he’s fining for everything else and make it a fan voted poll. I’m sure he’ll win over the locals that way.
STEELERS (-6) over Vikings- This is the upset special of the week and I think everyone agrees. This is where all those mistakes that Brad Childress makes and gets away with because of his team’s overall talent, come back to haunt him. One question: with that headset does he have his own cult that worship him and are there live feeds every Sunday to whatever establishment they get together at and is he talking to them while the game is going on? I feel like that’s the reason he wanted that specialized head set over the usual headwear.
Patriots (-15.5) over Bucs- I know Tampa Bay is the home team here but let’s be real, the NFL is the home team. Boy that sounded like a company line. Sucking up aside, the NFL knowing what they know of both teams and predicting a blow out should’ve talked to officials in England and ask to have Big Ben ring every time the Patriots score.
TEXANS (-3) over 49ers-No doubt that the Texans are beginning to put it together (finally, right ESPN the Magazine?) and no doubt the Niners are coming off a bye where they had to get over the beat down they got served against the Falcons. Sure they have Frank Gore coming back, but I really like the Texans’ overall offense. If the Texans put a beatdown on the Niners, will Mike Singletary pull someone else’s pants down this time? That might serve the team some embarrassment that they need to feel.
Jets (-6) over RAIDERS- I’m actually hesitant about this pick but its Sanchize back in the California sun with Braylon deep and Clowney deep and the running game that should get a nice push going. Remember the questions that came from Jerry Jones making the claim that he got a huge offer this past week before the trade deadline? Well, NFL insider Michael Lombardi suggested that perhaps the Jets asked for Jay Ratliff which would garner a lot of picks and perhaps a player or two. At this point, what more could the Jets give another team without putting this season’s team at jeopardy and are they realistic in pushing this team’s chances at winning now? I think they are a really good team in two years, not this year but hey, that’s why I’m sitting here and they are sitting where they are.
PANTHERS (-7) over Bills- I really hope the Panthers play it smart and run the football since its clear that the Bills only real skill on defense is to stop the pass. Amazing stat of the day: The Bills defense has only allowed ONE passing TD. ONE. Amazing.
BENGALS (+1.5) over Bears- Six months ago, people who would’ve thought this was going to be the Cedric Benson revenge game might have numbered two: Benson and his momma. No matter what people may think, Benson’s resurgence is from the offensive line’s marked improvement and Benson running with purpose and being more prepared. Sometimes situations don’t match up and you can chalk up the Cedric Benson experiment in Chicago to that. Here in welcoming Cincinatti where either your wearing Bengal stripes or downtown stripes, all are welcome!
Saints (-6) over DOLPHINS- Interesting what if theories about Drew Brees and Miami. When Brees entered free agency, he wanted to be a Dolphin but after six hours of rigorous medical examining, the Dolphins decided to pass. Everything else is, as they say, history. The Saints have benefited from Brees and his abilities and the Dolphins were able to bring in a stable hierarchy that’s allowed the Dolphins to build something special. You can say it worked out for both teams. I think Brees still has more motivation to beat the Dolphins.
Falcons (+5) over COWBOYS- Until the Cowboys realize that their only chance of winning is to run the football down the throat of the competition, then I don’t trust them to win against respectable teams who know how to win by not over thinking the situation.
Giants (-7) over Cardinals- Last week’s lack of a pass rush destroyed the Giants chances of beating Drew Brees, don’t expect Kurt Warner to see that zone coverage.
Eagles (-7) over REDSKINS- On the one hand the Redskins are playing for jobs because we all know that Daniel Snyder is going to be like a teenager in front of Best Buy at midnight on Black Friday next year when there’s no salary cap. On the other hand the Eagles just got beat by the Raiders. DA RAIIIIDERS. I don’t know who has more to play for. The Eagles win this big because the Redskin situation is beyond repair at this point. Their offensive play caller this week is a guy who was reading off numbers at a bingo hall when the season began. Nuff said.
Enjoy!
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