NFL 08 Preview

After staring at a computer screen for 103934839 hours, I decided that I had enough of the madness. I was trying to legitimately research this entire season and hypothesize based on conclusive information that I received through the internet. I searched every bit of information that I thought was necessary about every single team and really went as far as trying to figure out the Pythagorean theorem in determining a team’s shot at winning a Super Bowl.

What I realized made me dizzy. The internet is truly one of the most fascinatingly bizarre places. There are so many crevices, holes and just boat loads of information. I’m not stating anything new here but over the last few weeks I’ve come to realize what many before me already have, its way too big and we will never see the end of it.

Then I got a headache and realized one thing. There is not a thing that I can say in this column that will make you believe that I know what I’m talking about. Most of what I will write is based on a hunch. Nothing is conclusive and more so nothing should be taken without a grain of salt (or a punch like Al Pacino’s character “Lucky” from Donnie Brasco would say). So instead of giving you overanalyzed information written by few and condensed by me I’m going to give you 10 bold predictions that I am winging in hopes that even one will come through, if not for anything but bragging purposes.

1. Donovan McNabb WILL play a full season, but Brian Westbrook will NOT. Sorry Iggle fans, it’s just not meant to be with your city and us New Yorkers couldn’t be happier. (although I feel like I might have done a jinx and caused them unnatural good health which could pose a huge problem for my next prediction.)

2. Giants will win the division and Dallas will finish 3^rd. Yes, Dallas will finish third. I know about the offense but the defense can be had. I know about the secondary but Roy Williams is THE biggest liability in coverage and the NFC East boasts some pretty impressive TE’s that will get our boy Roy in coverage and it should be a feeding frenzy. I’m not sold on their depth and let’s face it, TO’s been too happy with Romo for this not to blow up in their faces with one of his classic rants when Patrick Crayton is getting too many passes. As for Adam Jones, I think he will be incredible even though he dropped the best nickname on the planet for an incredibly dumb reason like a bad reputation. Pssh, bad reputation? Bush got RE-elected even when people were constantly making fun of him.

Which reminds me to tell you to vote because its very important for our country. I mean I keep telling people this, as dumb as Bush is, aren’t we dumber for voting him in for a second term?

3. Peyton Manning will NOT play 16 games for the first time in his career.

4. Tom Brady won’t make play in 3 games thereby making the Patriots attempt at another perfect record impossible.

5. The Giants, Carolina, Green Bay, and Seattle will win the NFC divisional crowns while the Cowboys and Eagles will win the Wild Card slots.

6. The Patriots, Steelers, Jacksonville, San Diego will win the AFC divisions while the Jets and Colts will win the Wild Cards.

7. The 3 best rookies will be in order, Darren McFadden, RB, Oakland Raiders, Chris Johnson RB Tennessee Titans, and DeSean Jackson, WR Philadelphia Eagles.

8. Chris Henry will get arrested during Super Bowl week but the Bengals will keep him, which will lead to Marvin Lewis quitting and constantly refuting rumors that he did so because the team went above him to retain Henry after Lewis wanted to get rid of the problem makers in the team.

9. The team that everyone will be afraid to face are the Houston Texans.

10. The surprise disappointing team will be the Minnesota Vikings.

So not bold enough you say? Well I will give you that but telling you that Ocho Cinco will impregnate Miley Cyrus and then call their love child Papyrus Cyrus Cinco would be over the top no?

Enough of the nonsense. Time for my awards to be handed out:

Best offensive player: LT

Best Defensive Player: Julius Peppers.

Best rookie to watch for immediately: Darren McFadden. The line plays the same system that Denver played and with his ability to line up in multiple positions (he played QB back in H.S.) and the fact that Justin Fargas ran for over a 1000 yards last season behind that line tells you that he might do 1400 even though in the first two weeks he will see limited action.

Under the radar rookie to look forward to in upcoming years: Mario Manningham WR, Giants. They have a good support system that will allow him to grow as a person which should allow his limitless ability flourish.

Best chance that an assistant coach takes over as coach on the same team, during the year: Mike Martz, San Francisco. A slow start out of the gate and the Niners could be looking for a change. Playing the Cardinals, @ Seattle, @ New Orleans, New England, Philly and @ NY all before week 8 which is their bye, spells disaster.

Best Chance to go on an improbable run: Buffalo Bills. I know, I know. Crazy pick. But hear me out. They are a tough team to beat at home. They have the talent on special teams and upgraded on defense with some shrewd moves AND offense with James Hardy. They also have special talent at RB with Marshawn Lynch who should put up LT like numbers from the backfield with his ability to catch the ball and run. With Jason Peters back and the Kevin Edwards movement, the Bills could be a team that could make a serious run. Other than a game against Jacksonville in week 2, a game against the Chargers in week 7 after a Bye (UPSET ALERT, UPSET ALERT), and the Patriots twice (which I think one will be a victory thanks to Tom twisting his ankle after seeing Giselle outside a café talking to old flame Leo DiCaprio and him being out for a few games). It could happen guys. I’m just saying, its not out of the realm of possibility.

Now for my top 32

32. K.C. Chiefs- The good news? They have a promising young team and should have the number one pick next year. The bad news? Its because they will suck this year.

31. St Louis Rams- Same offensive numbers but they don’t have a defense and no one takes them seriously anymore.

30. Atlanta- They have the makings of a good team but Ryan will need more time to grow and the OL need a few more players.

29. Miami Dolphins- I’m an unabashed Chad Pennington and I think Ricky will be a successful player and be the comeback player of the year but I don’t like their D especially without Jason Taylor AND Zach Thomas.

28. Detroit- You’ve got a 4000 yard passer, two beast WR’s, and a pretty good RB core. What’s the problem? Oh that’s right Matt Millen is running this organization.

27. San Francisco- So wait, between a Hill, a first round bust and a guy who’s name sounds like an Irish pub, you aren’t picking the Irish pub? That’s an easy one for me.

26. Oakland Raiders- When Lane Kiffin is old enough to get his driver’s license I will take them seriously but all those major signings make them look like Al Davis’ consigliere is Daniel Snyder.

25. Cleveland Browns- Sorry, not buying the hype. Besides, they traded their best cover guy for another defensive guy to get better on D. So what is that, addition by subtraction? Yeah it didn’t make sense for me either. I’d be worried about Derek Anderson’s last few games and the impending boos and chants for Brady Quinn that will tear this team apart.

24. Cincinatti Bengals- Perennial underachievers. Seriously, how has HBO NOT gotten this franchise to be on Hard Knocks. Should they NOT be the team every single year until they prove they can keep players out of the penal system ( I love saying that word, penal. Go ahead, try and say it without laughing).
23. Denver Broncos- Jay Cutler is going to be the best QB out of his class and Brandon Marshall, when he grows up and matures will be a strong number 1. But no number 2 and the fact that they don’t produce 1000 yard rushers anymore out of the wood work make it hard for me to pick them. Plus, they ran out of Cleveland Browns to import, so.

22. Tennessee Titans- Get used to it folks, Vince Young is not a great pocket passing QB. You have to live with his arm and his penchant for working late game heroics. He’s got a solid D behind him and a great running game that should make him a bit better but he will struggle mightily again.

21. Arizona Cardinals- Brilliant move making Kurt Warner your QB. I’m being serious, have you seen his stats in the second half of last year? He’s got two topflight receivers, a pretty good RB and a solid defense. Boy Matt Lienart is one more pool party away from getting officially ushered out of Arizona.

20. Washington Redskins- How can I take a team seriously when they can’t run a simple 2 minute drill?

19. Tampa Bay Bucs- The reason behind Jeff Garcia’s success? A good offensive line. This is at best a 9-7 team but realistically speaking it’s a 7-9 record.

18. Seattle Seahawks- Something is always missing from this team, oh that’s right its WR’s. They still have the same group that can’t seem to hold on to Matt’s easy throws.

17. Chicago Bears- Why do I have them this high? I don’t know. I just think they will win games this year behind Kyle Orton they have no business winning.

16. New Orleans Saints- I know this is everyone’s IT team, but THEY have a lot to prove. Like, how are you going to contain Jeremy Shockey’s mouth? Or how about when the Saints finally realize that Reggie Bush is not an every down back? Or how about what will they do with their faulty and leaky offensive line?

15. Baltimore Ravens- I like Joe Flacco. He has a name that has a nice ring to it. A QB that just seems like he can take a few hits and keep throwing the ball which should get this defense’s respect which would be a HUGE step forward in mending the non-existent relationship between the awful offense and the dominating defense.

14. Buffalo Bills- I love how this team is made up and there’s just too many X-factors on this team that make them a scary proposition.

13. New York Jets- I like the Brett Favre move, but I really love Dustin Koeller and Lowery, their new starting CB. They have Lowery and Revis, a very good CB combo that should make things interesting. Spending $140 million on talent couldn’t have hurt either.

12. Houston Texans- Scary if Matt Schaub and Andre Johnson stay healthy. If so, that defense could be very good. Had one of those good case scenarios play out last year where they had Dunta Robinson go out and they had to sub him with some rookies that had no experience. They weren’t a contender but getting to play against passers like David Garrard and Peyton Manning twice surely helped his confidence which makes Dunta’s return all that more exciting with the depth they have.

11. Carolina Panthers- They have the makings of a very scary team. Defensively they will be better with Peppers playing in the right position and the offense with Delhomme back and Steve Smith coming off a suspension should make them a scary team.

10. Minnesota Vikings- Their QB is the shakiest situation on the planet. Sometimes he looks good, sometimes he looks like a kid looking for his mom. I base this ranking on the fact that AP will not play a full year. Teams will throw on Minnesota all day long.

9. Dallas Cowboys- They have talent but are thin at receiver depth. They are thin at some positions which could make the prospect of an injury to a key player all that scarier.

8. Philadelphia Eagles- Again, Donovan will play all 16, while Westbrook will not. Without Westbrook they have no synch in the offense. With the addition of someone who likes to take chances like Asante Samuel and a scheme that loves to blitz, its like a match made in heaven. Should be a great marriage.

7. Green Bay Packers- Only liability is their QB. Every other piece of this team is set and in great shape. After bronzing Favre, they should bronze Ted Thompson, although they should do it years later after he brings them a few championships and he lives the embarrassment of the Favre fiasco down.

6. New York Giants- I think the scheme gives them more options than what many suspect. Criminally underestimated. Team has more offense than people know. Watch out QB’s, Washington is bad, the Giants D made them look worse.

5. Pittsburgh Steelers- I like this team a lot. Something about their make up says no one knows we’re coming. Team has stud LB’s that could spell trouble for offenses.

4. Jacksonville Jaguars- They are microscopically close to Indy that I can’t wait for their two divisional games and their eventual playoff game.

3. Indianapolis Colts- Very close to being over the hill but GM Bill Polian is one of the best at restocking and retooling.

2. San Diego Chargers- Yeah they have LDT and they lost Michael Turner, but they have Darren Sproles and they picked up Jacob Hester (no relation to Devin). Shawn Merriman will break his knee and will not be the same for two seasons following surgery. But A.J. Smith knows how to find diamonds in the rough.

1. New England Patriots- As tough as this is to write, they are just so sneaky and Krafty (get it?). They know how to exploit your weakness and dispose of your greatest strengths. Maybe the Patriots need to go back to winning with relative no names to increase the challenge level so that they have something else to shoot for.